I’ve recovered enough to start caring about how I want to feel and realized what I want has changed some. I’m still defining the list and I know that Sublimely Satisfied will be on it. Probably first.
What does that mean for me? It covers a gamut of feelings:
- The feeling of peace when walking into my study and everything is in it’s place and feels serene instead of cluttered.
- Feeling/being naturally healthy
- Feeling I am enough/worthy
- Feeling that I am kicking a** and taking names at work
- Feeling connected and supported with friends
I’ve been working this morning – taking the actions needed to feel Sublimely Satisfied. I did a huge first pass on cleaning & clearing my study. I asked myself “Does this spark joy?” and I tossed all remaining self-help books (i.e., books that tell you that you’re broken and that the authors have the sole key to fixing you) except The Artist’s Way because it does spark joy. Writing morning pages played a huge role in my learning to manage depression.
I tossed a very precious item too. An afghan my aunt crocheted for me as a high school graduation present. I’ve kept it with me all these years. I treasure knowing she made it for me. I was my ‘security blanket’ for many years. When I moved in with DH, I didn’t need it and it was relegated to the study where it collected dust and became cat-damaged, I thanked it and said good-bye.
And now, my study feels lighter. It feels more serene (it’s not quite there – I have cabinets, drawers and a closet to purge) and I feel at peace. Satisfied with my efforts this morning.
And while I was doing all this? I had music that I love playing in the background. Sublimely satisfying.