Putting my big toe back in

I don’t know if this is the right time to return to the blog or not.  I just know I’ve been thinking of it.  So – a change to the blog look and feel (I love how easy that is) and we’ll see what happens.

Catching up – I’ve only recently truly begun to grieve.  I think am finally over the circumstances around my father’s death that made me so angry.  That anger and then the immediate pull back into my work allowed me to wallow in numbness for too long.

I started habits that engendered feeling numb: blind binge eating in the car; hours playing computer games, etc.

And I’ve stopped the binge eating.  I stopped because I recognized that it was only hurting me.  I was lying to my husband and to myself about my eating.  The computer games – well – I still like those.

What made me start thinking about the blog is that I came very very close to joining Weight Watchers at work.  I was in a desperate place in my mind and the promise of a magic pill was alluring.  I talked with my husband about it and he wasn’t very keen on the idea. While Weight Watchers works to help people lose weight, the strategy isn’t for maintenance and let’s face it – Weight Watchers doesn’t want you to maintain.  That’s how they make money.

I returned to my rule: No paid programs to lose weight.  I did buy an app that does what I tinkered with Excel to do with weight entries.  The app, Happy Scale, balances & averages the weight entries so a spike is smoothed, but a trend is recognized. Weighing myself daily helps.

What works for me right now?

  • Protein Smoothies in the morning – I love spinach, vanilla whey protein powder, coconut milk (plain,unsweetened) banana and chocolate PB2.  YUM.  I also love my Ninja Blend IQ blender.
  • Protein at lunch.  Not going out for lunch.
  • Green or ginger teas (plain, no sweetener)
  • LaCroix flavored sparkling waters
  • Scrambled eggs with spinach for breakfast

What doesn’t work – usually because I’m not consistent:

  • Logging my food
  • Leaving food on the plate (but I’m gonna make this one work – it is sustainable!)
  • Exercise.  Yeah. I’ll come back to this one day too.

So – I’ve been thinking about how to use this blog to build on what works for me.  If anyone is out there – I welcome your suggestions!


About Maura

an erstwhile former weight management blogger writing about life without diet should's and should not's filter.
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7 Responses to Putting my big toe back in

  1. ProjectME says:

    I’m happy to see you here again. As you know, I can relate to the grief process and the havoc it can wreak on your life.

    I like the things that work for you. Not sure I have any suggestions on how to use your blog to build from that, but in my humble opinion, you’re on the right track.

    I’ve missed you!

    • Maura says:

      ProjectMe – it’s so good to hear from you. And yes, I thought of you often over the summer knowing that you would be able to relate. For some reason, I just felt I needed to withdraw. I actually only just recently told a dear friend about my father’s dying. I hadn’t written to her in month’s and felt guilty for breaking silence only to deliver bad news. She also understood.

      How are you doing?

  2. Snoskred says:

    Welcome back to you! 😉 So glad to see you.

    I find eggs to be an excellent thing – they are filling, they are easy especially if I am just hard boiling them, and if I have them hard boiled in the fridge they are an easy go to snack, especially if I am in a hurry. I can’t eat them for breakfast because my stomach does not like to be woken early but I have taken to having them for lunch on a thin rice cake and I am loving that.

    I’m doing Lumosity brain training and those are the only games I am playing at the moment, super fun! 😉

    • Maura says:

      Hi, Snoskred – thanks for the welcome back.

      Yeah – eggs are one of the most complete foods out there. It’s a pity they were reviled for so very long. For some reason, a hard boiled egg doesn’t hold me the way a scrambled one will – perhaps it’s the added fat.

      My computer game addiction is Two Dots. I totally suck at it. 🙂

  3. Zazamataz says:

    Good to see you and your toe. It seems to me that you have a good handle on what works for you and what doesn’t. I don’t see anything on your list about support. Perhaps that’s what the WW urges were about. And maybe that’s what you could use the blog for.

    By the way, I wish I could get a handle on that don’t eat when I’m not hungry thing. It’s fine during the day but my impulse control at night is not so great.

    • Maura says:

      Hi, Zazzy. It’s good to see you. I think you may be on to something about the support. When I was losing weight, DH was my biggest cheerleader. He supported me financially (Optifast is quite costly) and he supported me by challenging my thinking when I started derailing and he supported me with science. And just by being there.

      After Optifast, I had a huge support network – everyone at work was behind me 100%. Some of it was helpful, some of it wasn’t. And then I had a MyFoodDiary and support there. I also had a lot of enabling (well meant advice/support, but still enabling) when my habits started slipping.

      I think you are right – support is important. And one of my ‘journey’ goals to Sublimely Satisfied is to grow my network of friends and to strengthen my relationship with the friends I have managed to keep. Gees, that sounds awful. Its’s just that I’m not all that social AND I live in a place that takes an hour to go 15 miles most days. When friends live on the other side of town, it literally is a day’s investment to get together.

      But, I recognize that I need more than DH’s support. I need female support and friendship. It’s been absent from my life for a while.

      • Zazamataz says:

        Yeah, I get that. I live in a place where you have to drive 20 miles at a minimum and more like 70 if you want to do something exotic, like go to a movie. I’m planning on going back to rehab in part for the support. It is hard to meet people and make friends out here.

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