Day 4: #ISHINEYOUSHINE: What’s in my heart that I need to let go?

At first, I thought I had an easy answer: the diet mentality.  And then I thought I had an easier answer: thinking I need to lose weight to be good enough (not that getting rid of that thinking wouldn’t be a good thing).  But no – this question isn’t about easy.  As the answer came to me in a flash.  An uncomfortable flash.  I need to let go of a behavior that harms me as much as it does others: being judgmental.

I do it all day long – usually without realizing it.  I see someone I think is not dressed appropriately and make snarky remarks in my mind.  Or someone who’s grocery cart is full of processed foods and think to myself “no wonder that person is a slob.”  I could go on – but I think you get the drift.

What does this thinking do?  First, it puts a wall up between me and  everyone. Who wants to be open to someone who’s going to snipe behind your back, even if it’s only in her mind?    It prevents me from seeing beauty wherever I can.  And it prevents me from loving myself. Because the reality is that when I’m mentally passing judgement on someone, I’m also passing it on myself.  The object of the judgement may never know what I was thinking – but I do I realize it’s almost like taking a beating by proxy.

I’m not sure how to go about letting go of this behavior.  I think being aware of it is a good first step.

I have to say – I’m really digging the topics on the #ISHINEYOUSHINE challenge.  I’m thinking in ways I’ve not thought before.

And one of the thoughts I’ve had is that I must abandon the lifelong goal of losing weight.  That goal is weighing me down and beating me up and I’m not willing to make the changes needed to accomplish it.  It’s keeping me from shining.

Another thought is that I’ve really been hiding my femininity.   I’ve never embraced it – except for one period in my life – when I described how I felt as being like an overblown rose: full of life, round, sexy, strong.  And more than anything – that’s want I want to feel: round, sexy and strong.  Round = balanced. Sexy = attracted, attractive, turned on – and not just sexually.  Strong = physically, mentally, emotionally.

And I’ve come up new mantras:

I eat to feel feminine
I move to feel feminine
I think to feel feminine

Eat, Move, Think, Be Feminine.

Doesn’t that sound better than lose weight?  It sure feels better.

And aren’t the almost overblown roses in my banner lovely?

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About Maura

an erstwhile former weight management blogger writing about life without diet should's and should not's filter.
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3 Responses to Day 4: #ISHINEYOUSHINE: What’s in my heart that I need to let go?

  1. ProjectME says:

    Maura, these are lovely thoughts. And very lovely roses.

  2. Snoskred says:

    Here are my two thoughts on how to let go of this. With a very literary quote to begin thought one –

    “I made up my mind to be like the fisherman who hour after hour scoops out fish with his net. Whenever thoughts of the Chairman drifted up from within me, I would scoop them out, and scoop them out again, and again, until none of them were left.”

    1. In order to scoop out the fish, you have to first recognise them.

    2. I have a little saying when it comes to judging. “Leave the judging to Judge Judy”. After all, she is paid millions of dollars to do it live on the teevee. 🙂

    There is nothing wrong with the occasional snarky thought and sometimes it truly needs to be thought in order for me to be able to move forward. Like seriously when I see someone at the shops in pajamas I actually own and were in fact wearing that very morning, I am like, wahey, why the heck did I bother to put on clothes today! I could totally have stayed in my PJs!

    But when it is all snark all the time, that isn’t such a brilliant headspace to be in. 🙂 So I get what you are saying and I hope maybe my two things might be useful.

    And hey, I am doing a shoe link up thing over at my blog, so maybe check that out if you have the time. 🙂

  3. Kim Pietsch says:

    Maura,

    Oh, yes, the judgmental inner voice. Wanting to turn this off has happened many times in my life. What I am trying now: when the nasty comment enters my mind, is try to replace it with a positive one — or at least a neutral one. “What an ugly outfit” becomes (or tries to become) “hmm, interesting choice, I wonder what attracted him/her to that?” Not saying it works every time, but it can be both a reminder and a diversion. Harder to think negative things when trying hard to think of positive ones.

    Have you read the recent studies on the negative aspects of dieting/shaming on weight loss? Dismal failure. But you KNEW that!

    Best

    Peach from MFD

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