At first, I thought I had an easy answer: the diet mentality. And then I thought I had an easier answer: thinking I need to lose weight to be good enough (not that getting rid of that thinking wouldn’t be a good thing). But no – this question isn’t about easy. As the answer came to me in a flash. An uncomfortable flash. I need to let go of a behavior that harms me as much as it does others: being judgmental.
I do it all day long – usually without realizing it. I see someone I think is not dressed appropriately and make snarky remarks in my mind. Or someone who’s grocery cart is full of processed foods and think to myself “no wonder that person is a slob.” I could go on – but I think you get the drift.
What does this thinking do? First, it puts a wall up between me and everyone. Who wants to be open to someone who’s going to snipe behind your back, even if it’s only in her mind? It prevents me from seeing beauty wherever I can. And it prevents me from loving myself. Because the reality is that when I’m mentally passing judgement on someone, I’m also passing it on myself. The object of the judgement may never know what I was thinking – but I do I realize it’s almost like taking a beating by proxy.
I’m not sure how to go about letting go of this behavior. I think being aware of it is a good first step.
I have to say – I’m really digging the topics on the #ISHINEYOUSHINE challenge. I’m thinking in ways I’ve not thought before.
And one of the thoughts I’ve had is that I must abandon the lifelong goal of losing weight. That goal is weighing me down and beating me up and I’m not willing to make the changes needed to accomplish it. It’s keeping me from shining.
Another thought is that I’ve really been hiding my femininity. I’ve never embraced it – except for one period in my life – when I described how I felt as being like an overblown rose: full of life, round, sexy, strong. And more than anything – that’s want I want to feel: round, sexy and strong. Round = balanced. Sexy = attracted, attractive, turned on – and not just sexually. Strong = physically, mentally, emotionally.
And I’ve come up new mantras:
I eat to feel feminine
I move to feel feminine
I think to feel feminine
Eat, Move, Think, Be Feminine.
Doesn’t that sound better than lose weight? It sure feels better.
And aren’t the almost overblown roses in my banner lovely?