I DON’T NEED TO BE FIXED

In my last post, I mentioned a Lifehacker idea to write in detail what an average perfect day would look like.  I think I morphed the idea into something else..  but here’s the list I made (I love lists!)

  • Being accepting of stress
  • Being loving towards myself, my husband and my family
  • Being confident in my abilities
  • Being confident and happy in my body
  • Being confident in how I present myself (in other words – great clothes, shoes and hair)
  • Waking refreshed
  • Being part of a real – local and long distance – support network of like-minded girlfriends
  • Making lovely meals and enjoying them with friends and family
  • Maintaining a peaceful environment
  • Filling my life with activities I love vs what people tell me I should be doing
  • And having no desire for self-help books

And I think that last item on the list is actually the most important.  I can’t begin to tally (I don’t want to tally) the amount of money I’ve spent on self-help books.  Most of them geared towards weight loss, but some geared towards making a better life, etc.  You know – I think I’m done with this.  1) I rarely read the books from cover to cover and 2) I obviously rarely implement any of the suggestions.  Whenever I purchase the latest and greatest self-help book, I’m wasting valuable time and money.  And worse – I’m telling myself I need fixing.  And I don’t need to be fixed.  I’m perfectly fine the way I am.  

And there are some things I’d like to change.  

  1. My environments (my home office, my bathroom, my office at work) become cluttered and subconsciously stressful all too easily.  I feel better when there is no clutter.  
  2. I haven’t felt confident or happy in my body in a long time.  This has taken a toll on my self-esteem and in some ways, my marriage.  I feel better when I intentionally incorporate movement and healthy eating in my life.  And when I feel better, I have more confidence.
  3. I don’t have a real-life support network.  I have some girlfriends at work.  But we don’t interact with one another outside of work nor can I be totally open with them about everything going on with me.  My husband use to work there so discretion takes precedence.  I miss having girl friends and I need to find a way to remedy that.  It’s hard because I’m naturally shy and something of an introvert.
  4. I still feel that I’ve attached myself to certain labels: stressed, someone who needs to lose weight, etc.   In my ‘fake it til I make it’ goal, I said I wanted to be someone who managed stress.  1) I totally did not fake it til I made it and 2) I think that’s the wrong goal.  I think becoming accepting that stress is a natural part of my life will be far more helpful than learning to practice deep breathing.  Not that deep breathing a bad thing.   So I being more accepting of things will help me in the long run.  I accept that stress is in my life.  I accept that eating with abandon (with lots of guilt thrown in) doesn’t work for me.  And there’s going to be a post next weekend about that last sentence.  I think it merits some more thought.

So – this is where I am now: I’m being accepting of the changes I need to make.  And that removes quite a bit of the stress. 

 

 

 

 

 

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About Maura

an erstwhile former weight management blogger writing about life without diet should's and should not's filter.
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5 Responses to I DON’T NEED TO BE FIXED

  1. Zazzy says:

    I could come really close to just copying your list. Some things are more important to me than others on it – but I don’t think there’s anything I disagree with. I gave up buying self help books several times. I feel drawn to them once in a while and even bought the Carb Lovers Diet a couple years ago. Mistake. Now I just acknowledge that part of me wants an easy answer and not buy the book. I am ,however, re-reading When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies. It’s slow going and what I’ve noticed is that I previously just skimmed through stuff. I want to get to the “do this” stage without really exploring what they’re saying or what I think about it. If any book merits reading over looking for easy answers at the end, this is it. We’ll see if it ends up being useful.

    I totally agree with your goal to find a good support network. I had one in Wyoming and I can’t seem to do that here. I really miss it. I appreciate my online supportive friends, but it’s not quite the same. I had something like a supportive group at rehab, but when I was unable to go they all just disappeared in no time at all. I have no idea how to achieve this goal.

    How do you accept stress? I mean, I accept that it’s just a part of my life – but I’m not really dealing with it any better.

    • Maura says:

      Thanks for the comment. I’m not sure there is an easy way to accept stress, but I think that making a conscious effort to do so actually helps relieve it. Pema Chodron (do her books count as self-help?) comes to mind. Many of her teachings urge us to recognize that we are not the only ones impacted by life. For example, it’s easy to get completely stressed sitting in traffic by stewing on how late you’re going to be – making it all about you. If you look around you and notice – there’s likely several (in my case hundreds, I think) more people also sitting in traffic who are also going to be late to something, etc. Turn it around – do the loving kindness meditation for them and then do it for yourself.

      It sound a bit hokey – but I know when I remember to accept that 1) stress is part of every day living, that other people also have stress and then start to try to empathize with the others, my own anxiety goes down. The stress is still there, but I’m not as anxious about it. Does that make sense?

      • Zazamataz says:

        That makes perfect sense. I guess I divide stress into separate categories and what a lot of people find very stressful – like traffic. I try not to stress out about the things over which I have no control. No, I save my stress for all the little things that really don’t matter but which I could control – making phone calls, getting the vacuuming done… Makes no sense.

  2. ProjectME says:

    Maura, I love this! You are 100% right – you don’t need fixing. You are beautiful and smart and worthy of love from yourself. I think you are on the right track and I wholeheartedly support you! Hugs.

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